Sometimes we can feel really stuck; like we are not making any progress, or that nothing is changing. It can feel like we are ‘getting it wrong’ or not trying hard enough somehow.
Life starts to feel like being caught in fog; we are surrounded by heaviness and unable to see a way forward. Stuckness often feels like a theme for clients, and it can feel so demoralising.
And yet, I don’t believe we are ever truly stuck.
Often, it is not the case at all that nothing is changing, but that we haven’t yet noticed the changes. The shifts can be so small, so gentle and quiet, that we miss them if we only measure our progress in big milestones or dramatic transformations.
Progress can take so many shapes. Sometimes it can look like choosing to rest for a moment, even when that feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable. It might be that we reach out for support from friends and family, even though that feels difficult, or that we name a feeling and stay with it a while instead of turning away from it.
When we do something different, we often experience anxiety and fear and we believe nothing is different; but anxiety and fear that comes from challenging old beliefs and behaviours is progress in itself – it is showing up because we are doing something new and daunting, but we are doing it nevertheless.
In our every day, each breath is movement and each moment is life. And life, by its nature, is never static. Nature is constantly changing, even if those changes are so slow and small that we cannot see them moment to moment.
So, what keeps us feeling stuck? Often, it’s the belief that we should be further ahead, that somehow if we were doing things “right” we wouldn’t still be struggling. These thoughts and beliefs can tighten around us like ropes, pulling us back into shame and self-criticism. We stop seeing the small shifts because we are only focused on the finish line. Or we are not looking out for the small shifts, only the big, notable changes. And sometimes we miss the small changes because our focus is on what we believe we are doing wrong, and that’s all we can see.
But change and healing, whether that be from trauma, eating difficulties, burnout, or emotional pain, is not a race. It’s not linear. It’s a messy, weaving, unfolding of experiences in many different directions. The steps we take in healing, as in life, are like a dance – sometimes forwards, sometimes, backwards, sometimes to the side, but each step is important and valid.
When we can pause and gently tune in to what’s here now, we often discover movement we didn’t expect. We might see a flicker of willingness or a glimmer of hope for something new.
You don’t have to feel or see the change for it to be happening. When we look in the garden or in parks, we don’t see plants and flowers growing as we watch, but sure enough we go out one day and we see leaves growing, grass getting taller and buds opening up to reveal beautiful flowers.
Sometimes it’s only when we look back that we realise how much has shifted. But until then, it can help to start noticing the tiny things – to give them the credit they deserve.
What have you done today that moved you a little closer to care, to connection or to being more fully yourself?
You might not be where you want to be yet. But you are certainly not where you were.
You are moving and growing in ways that you may not see, but you are not stuck. You are becoming.
With July love,
Sarah x
FAQs
What does feeling stuck really mean?
Feeling stuck often means we believe we’re not making progress, or we’re unsure how to move forward. It’s a sense of being emotionally, mentally, or behaviourally frozen. But often it’s not that nothing is happening, it’s that change is happening more quietly than we expected.
Why do I feel like nothing is changing, even when I’m trying so hard?
Change is often slow and subtle. When we’re focused on big goals or outcomes, we can miss the tiny, meaningful shifts happening each day. These small changes might look like making a different choice, noticing a feeling, or responding with a little more kindness.
How can I tell if I’m actually making progress?
Progress can look like greater awareness, new discomforts, kinder self-talk, or simply getting up and doing the best you can in the day. If you’re doing things that feel different, even though they bring anxiety or doubt, you are moving. Progress often doesn’t feel like success at first; it feels like fear, because it’s unfamiliar.
What keeps people feeling stuck even when they are changing?
Often our inner critic tells us we’re behind or not doing enough. Shame, perfectionism, and comparison can all stop us seeing our small wins. We may also have expectations about what change should look like, which makes us miss what’s actually happening.
How can I begin to notice the small shifts?
Slow down and gently ask yourself: what felt different today? Did I make a new choice, however small? Did I catch myself in a moment of awareness? Did I respond to myself or someone else with a little more compassion? These small things really matter, and they all add up.
Is it normal to feel fear or discomfort when I try something new?
Absolutely! Feeling afraid or uncertain when we make a change doesn’t mean we’re failing. It often means we’re growing. Fear is part of moving beyond familiar patterns. Discomfort doesn’t mean you’re stuck, it often means you’re doing something new and unfamiliar that may take time to get used to.
What if I feel like I’m going backwards sometimes?
That’s part of the process too. Healing and change are not straight lines. They move like a dance: forwards, sideways, and sometimes back. Revisiting old places with new awareness is not failure. It’s deepening your understanding.
How can I be kind to myself when I feel stuck?
Start by noticing the voice that says you should be somewhere else. Speak to yourself as you would to someone you care about. Remind yourself that movement is happening, even if you can’t yet see it. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to take small steps. You are still becoming.
Sarah Parker, MBACP (Accredited) is a psychotherapist based in West Yorkshire, with a special interest in eating disorders, disordered eating, and neurodivergence. Originally trained in relational counselling, she later qualified in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Sarah’s experience spans a range of settings, including working with survivors of rape and sexual abuse, as well as many years supporting individuals and groups in NHS mental health teams and a specialist eating disorder service. She is also an experienced trainer and educator, delivering workshops on working safely and effectively with people with eating disorders. In addition to her training work, she has been a guest on several podcasts and previously co-hosted her own.
Now in private practice, Sarah’s approach is shaped by her professional expertise and lived experience of an eating disorder. She is passionate about fostering a hopeful, compassionate, and collaborative space where clients can move toward meaningful change.