Last month was busy for me and Well of Being. One of the highlights was delivering training for therapists, health professionals and carers on the impact of shame, especially for neurodivergent individuals with eating disorders and disordered eating.
Before the training several people asked me if I was anxious about it. If I am honest, there was an anxiety about whether it would be as helpful as I hoped it would be for delegates, but I wasn’t particularly anxious about speaking. In the past anxiety would have prevented me from doing many things and life felt much more of a struggle.
So, has my anxiety suddenly disappeared to make life easier? Do I not feel anxious anymore? The simple answer to both questions is no. As humans we all experience anxiety – some to a greater degree than others – because anxiety is a vital emotion that lets us know when we are in danger and triggers the fight/flight/freeze response to protect us. The difficulty comes when anxiety is a response to a perceived danger rather than a real danger, and rather than being protective, it gets in the way of us living life fully – it becomes overwhelming.
If you think about times when you feel anxious, how often does the anxiety signify actual danger? I know for me, I have rarely been in actual danger, rather my mind has created a narrative that I am in danger, which, in the moment I have believed.
Working with anxiety from an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) perspective is more about changing our relationship with anxiety, rather than trying to get rid of it. Anxiety is a natural emotion that everyone experiences, but when it becomes overwhelming, it can get in the way of living the life we want to live.
ACT encourages us to allow the feeling of anxiety to be present instead of fighting it. It’s a bit like trying to control the weather—we can’t stop a storm from coming, or get rid of it, but we can learn how to stay safe and care for ourselves during the storm until it passes. When we learn to let anxiety be present without doing what we can to get rid of it, we free up our time and energy to do what matters to us.
I delivered the training and my worries about whether it would be helpful and well received were still there to some extent, but because I am passionate about sharing what I see as helpful to others, I went ahead anyway. And I really enjoyed it!
Anxiety does not have to control us and take away experiences in life that we might otherwise enjoy. When we step into the present and ask ourselves “am I anxious because I am at risk or is my mind simply fearful” we can start to recognise patterns of learnt and habitual anxiety and, in time, learn to manage those anxious thoughts differently without being controlled by them.
As we focus more on our values – what really matters to us – we can be guided by them rather than controlled by our thoughts. As we take small steps towards living our values rather than being lived by our thoughts, we are taking steps toward a life that is meaningful for us, even if anxiety is present. We can begin to live a rich life now, rather than waiting for the anxiety to disappear. And as we focus more on what is important to us, and less on the anxiety, it naturally becomes less prominent and dominant.
However intrusive and enduring anxiety has been, you can learn to live alongside anxiety while still moving forward with purpose and intention, and confidence.
FAQ’s
Can I ever completely get rid of anxiety?
No, anxiety is a natural part of being human. It’s a protective emotion that helps alert us to danger. Instead of trying to get rid of anxiety, it’s more helpful to change our relationship with it by allowing it to be present without letting it control your actions.
How does ACT help with anxiety?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps by encouraging acceptance – allowing anxiety to be present rather than fighting it. Through mindfulness (connecting to the present using one of our senses) and connecting with our values, ACT encourages us to take meaningful steps in life even when anxiety is present. It’s about focusing on what matters most to you.
What if my anxiety feels overwhelming?
When anxiety becomes overwhelming, it’s usually because the mind is perceiving a threat that isn’t real. By pausing and asking ourself whether the anxiety is alerting us to danger or is simply our mind being fearful, we can start to manage our reactions differently. Learning to sit with discomfort can help reduce its control over us.
Can I still pursue meaningful goals if I feel anxious?
Yes, we can take steps toward your goals even with anxiety present. Focusing on values and what is important to us helps guide our actions. Anxiety may still be there, but by prioritizing what matters, we begin to take control back from our anxious thoughts.
How can I start managing my anxiety differently?
Begin by noticing when anxiety arises and acknowledging it without immediately reacting. Practice simply naming the feeling you are experiencing and staying present with your feelings. Give yourself a gentle reminder to focus on your values—what truly matters to you. Over time, this shift in focus can make anxiety feel less overwhelming.
Sarah is a BACP accredited psychotherapist who has a special interest in working with those who struggle with their relationship with food, weight and body image. She originally trained in relational counselling and has since qualified in EMDR, Compassion Focused Therapy, and ACT.
Sarah’s experience has been developed in a variety of settings including supporting survivors of rape and sexual abuse, as well as many years of working with individuals and groups in mental health teams and a specialist NHS eating disorder service. She delivers training and education around working safely and effectively with people with eating disorders and has been a guest on several podcasts as well as co-hosting her own podcast previously.
Sarah now works in private practice where her passion, alongside her own lived experience of an eating disorder, shape her hopeful, compassionate and collaborative approach to therapy.
