We have a hydrangea in the garden that has been a source of colour and joy through the summer. During the summer months, it was full of bright pink blossoms, which caught the sunlight and brought a little celebration to each day as I stepped out into the therapy pod in the garden to see clients. Now, as October deepens, those same blossoms have faded. Their colour has softened, and the petals have an almost antique quality, wearing the marks of time with beautiful dignity. They are not as vivid as they once were, but they are still, undeniably, beautiful.
This simple shift in nature is our reminder that beauty doesn’t belong to one look, one age, or one season. We live in a culture that often suggests otherwise—that beauty is found only in youth, in perfection, in things that appear untouched by time. But nature shows us something far more compassionate and honest; that beauty changes, it deepens, and it takes on new forms as life moves forward.
When I look at my hydrangea now, I don’t see something past its best. I see a different kind of loveliness, something softer, more subtle, carrying with it the memories of the summer as it passes and the promise of winter rest. It hasn’t lost anything; it has simply transformed.
This is true for us as people too. We each have seasons where we may feel vibrant and full of colour, and other times when we feel a little faded or less noticeable. Yet each of these seasons carries its own kind of beauty. There is beauty in energy and newness, but there is also beauty in the quiet wisdom that comes with experience, in the softness that comes from having lived through storms, and in the marks that show we have endured and grown.
Compassion-focused therapy often invites us to step back from harsh judgments about ourselves and others, and instead to look with kinder, more understanding eyes. As we do so, we begin to notice that beauty isn’t a fixed state. It is something fluid and expansive, something that can’t be reduced to one look or one moment in time.
Life is about embracing all of our experiences, not just the ones that feel bright or easy. Just as the hydrangea moves naturally from blossoming, to fading, and to rest, so too do we move through different phases. Each has value. Each can be held with gentleness, without needing to compare or compete.
Perhaps this October, as the days shorten and nature begins to quieten, we might allow ourselves to gently hold the idea that beauty is not something we need to cling to, preserve, or perfect. It is something that evolves with us. It is found in resilience, in authenticity, in the way we keep showing up in life with all its changes.
So when you notice yourself wishing for a time when you felt more colourful, or when you catch yourself comparing to a version of yourself from another time and season, maybe you could pause and remember the hydrangea. Its blooms were stunning in the height of summer, but they are just as stunning now; different, yes, but no less worthy of appreciation.
Beauty does not live in one season alone. It lives in the whole cycle, in the unfolding of each stage, in the courage to be present, just as we are in this moment.
With October love
Sarah x
FAQs
Why do you use nature as an example of beauty?
Nature teaches us about acceptance, change, and the value of every season. By observing it, we can learn to be more compassionate with ourselves and others.
How does this idea connect to therapy?
Both ACT and Compassion-Focused Therapy encourage us to step away from harsh judgments and embrace the richness of all our experiences, even those that feel faded or different. When we can do this for ourselves, we start to change the way we treat ourselves and find greater kindness and warmth.
What do you mean when you say beauty is not fixed?
I simply mean that beauty is not tied to youth, perfection, or one moment in time—it can be found in every stage of life and in many different forms.
How can this perspective help with self-compassion?
When we view ourselves as part of a natural cycle, we can soften our expectations and appreciate our own journey, even in the seasons that feel quieter or less vibrant.
How does ACT support this way of thinking?
ACT helps us to stay more present with each moment, reminding us that all experiences have meaning and that we don’t need to avoid or resist change.
What can I do if I find myself comparing to a younger or different version of myself?
Pause, take a breath, and remember that each version of you has had its own unique beauty. Try to see yourself now with the same gentleness you would extend to a flower in its later bloom.
How can I bring this reflection into daily life?
You might take a mindful walk in nature, noticing the quiet beauty of autumn, or spend a moment each day appreciating something about yourself as you are right now.
Sarah Parker, MBACP (Accredited) is a psychotherapist based in West Yorkshire, with a special interest in eating disorders, disordered eating, and neurodivergence. Originally trained in relational counselling, she later qualified in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Sarah’s experience spans a range of settings, including working with survivors of rape and sexual abuse, as well as many years supporting individuals and groups in NHS mental health teams and a specialist eating disorder service. She is also an experienced trainer and educator, delivering workshops on working safely and effectively with people with eating disorders. In addition to her training work, she has been a guest on several podcasts and previously co-hosted her own.
Now in private practice, Sarah’s approach is shaped by her professional expertise and lived experience of an eating disorder. She is passionate about fostering a hopeful, compassionate, and collaborative space where clients can move toward meaningful change.