We all carry a backpack with us through life. It’s filled with moments from our past; experiences, memories, lessons and stories. Some of the things we carry are deeply valuable: the insights we’ve gained, the strengths we’ve used and recognised, and the compassion we’ve developed through what we’ve experienced.
But often, tucked alongside those helpful learnings, are much heavier things, like hurts, regrets, and painful beliefs about ourselves or others. Sometimes we carry these burdens without even realising how much they’re weighing us down. We get so used to the heaviness that it starts to feel normal.
What if we could reflect on what it might be like to pause for a moment, gently take off that backpack, and look inside with curiosity and kindness. We can ask ourselves important questions like:
What am I carrying?
What’s helpful?
What’s weighing me down?
What might I want to put down?
We are not looking to forget or deny the past, but to allow ourselves to move forward with a little more freedom, because carrying the learning of the past doesn’t mean we have to carry its weight.
When we experience painful events, whether it’s rejection, loss, failure, shame, or trauma, we often pick up stories or beliefs about ourselves. “I’m not good enough.” “I can’t trust people.” “I’ll always get it wrong.” These stories might have felt protective once, but over time they can harden into more rigid beliefs that make our world smaller and our hearts heavier.
Sometimes we carry guilt or self-blame, punishing ourselves for things we did or didn’t do. Sometimes we carry unresolved anger or hurt towards others, or the ache of things we wished had been different. All of these can quietly slip into our backpack unnoticed until the weight becomes too much.
But the wonderful thing is once we become aware of the backpack, we get to choose what we carry.
We can keep the learning: the wisdom we’ve gained about our values, our needs, our boundaries, or our resilience. We can honour the parts of our story that have shaped us for good and we can acknowledge the ways we’ve grown stronger, kinder and more compassionate.
Similarly, we can choose to gently lay down the parts that only weigh us down – the old stories that no longer serve us, the harsh self-judgments, the blame, and the hurt that keeps us stuck in the past.
This isn’t always easy. Sometimes we need help to unpack things safely. We may need time and support to make sense of what we’re carrying. But we don’t have to carry it all forever.
You might want to take a quiet moment to imagine your own backpack. Picture yourself gently opening it up. What is inside? What have you been carrying, perhaps without realising, that feels heavy, painful, or tiring? What have you been holding onto because you thought you had to?
And what treasures are also in there? What lessons, strengths, insights or moments of love and connection do you carry with you? What are you deeply grateful for learning or experiencing, even through difficulty?
Imagine sorting through the contents with gentle, kind hands. You don’t have to throw anything away with anger or force. You can choose to thank the things that have served you – even the painful ones – and decide to lay them down now, knowing you don’t need to carry their weight anymore.
Life doesn’t expect us to forget the past. It invites us to learn from it, grow with it, and carry forward only what helps us walk with a lighter heart.
You might find yourself moving on with a backpack that feels a little lighter. And maybe, I hope, with a little more space inside for joy, love, and hope.
With August love
Sarah x
FAQs
Does letting go mean forgetting or denying the past?
No. Letting go doesn’t mean erasing the past or pretending things didn’t happen. It means choosing how those experiences live in you now. You can honour your story while freeing yourself from the parts that weigh you down.
What if I’ve carried this pain for so long it feels like part of me?
It’s common for old hurts or beliefs to feel fused with our identity. But they are not who you are, they are things you’ve carried. With time, support, and compassion, it’s possible to gently create space between you and the weight you’ve been holding.
Is it wrong to feel angry, hurt, or upset about the past?
Not at all. Your feelings are valid. This isn’t about forcing yourself to “move on” or feel differently. It’s about allowing yourself to process those feelings and decide whether carrying them is helping you live the life you want.
How do I know what’s worth keeping from the past?
Ask yourself: Does this help me grow, connect, or live by my values? Insights, lessons, or strengths you’ve gained are often worth carrying. Painful self-judgments, shame, or limiting beliefs may not be.
I’m afraid if I let go, I’ll be vulnerable or hurt again.
That’s an understandable fear. Sometimes we hold onto pain as a way of protecting ourselves. But letting go isn’t about making yourself unsafe. It is about trusting that you can protect yourself in ways that don’t keep you stuck in old wounds.
What if I don’t know how to start letting go?
Start slowly and gently. You might begin by gently noticing the stories or beliefs you’re carrying. Writing them down, talking with a trusted person, or seeking therapy can help. Sometimes just giving yourself permission to imagine a lighter way of living is a powerful first step.
Can I really choose what I carry? Some things feel too big.
You may not have chosen what happened to you, but you do have some choice about how you carry it forward. This is a process, often slow and layered. You don’t have to do it alone. Compassionate support can make a real difference.
Is it selfish to put down old hurts or blame?
Not at all. It’s an act of deep care for yourself and for others. When you lighten your load, you often have more capacity for connection, joy, and love. Taking care of your heart isn’t selfish, it’s wise and kind.
Sarah Parker, MBACP (Accredited) is a psychotherapist based in West Yorkshire, with a special interest in eating disorders, disordered eating, and neurodivergence. Originally trained in relational counselling, she later qualified in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Sarah’s experience spans a range of settings, including working with survivors of rape and sexual abuse, as well as many years supporting individuals and groups in NHS mental health teams and a specialist eating disorder service. She is also an experienced trainer and educator, delivering workshops on working safely and effectively with people with eating disorders. In addition to her training work, she has been a guest on several podcasts and previously co-hosted her own.
Now in private practice, Sarah’s approach is shaped by her professional expertise and lived experience of an eating disorder. She is passionate about fostering a hopeful, compassionate, and collaborative space where clients can move toward meaningful change.