I was asked this week by someone who knows I struggled with Anorexia Nervosa previously if I ever have any negative thoughts about my body these days.
It is a question I am often asked, and I always answer honestly. My thoughts about how my body looks are not always positive, but I am always grateful that I have my body and that it allows me to live the life I have.
You see, I do not believe it is possible to think positively about how we look all of the time. This is not a hopeless belief; indeed, it comes from a very hopeful and realistic place. It is a place I believe we can all achieve. The underlying obstacle to improving body image and our relationship with our body is not so much what we think about our body, rather whether we take notice of what we think about our body; in other words our relationship with our thoughts about our body.
We experience our body through the filter of thought and emotion – the two are both so closely linked. Therefore, when our mood and thoughts are in a more negative state, we are likely to see everything through that lens – including our body. We tend to see ‘faults’ and view our body with a more critical eye.
On the other hand, when we are in a more upbeat, positive mood, we will experience and see our body through a more positive, loving lens.
We start to see that our thoughts about our body (and about anything else for that matter) are very transient – they come, and they go like clouds in the sky, and are ever changing.
So, what do I mean about the relationship we have with our thoughts being the obstacle? As humans, we think – and we think a lot! According to a 2020 study, humans have more than 6000 thoughts each day. Imagine if we took every thought seriously, or acted on every thought, how tired we would be!
Thoughts arise and often grab our attention. This may be because we have experienced them many times before, or because they have been helpful previously, or simply because we have been taught to believe them by parents, teachers and society. We live, sadly, in a culture where diet industry is pervasive so we are fed thoughts about how our bodies ‘should’ look constantly.
We are naturally more curious and drawn to some thoughts than others; but it is important to remember that not all thoughts are helpful to us.
If we start to observe our thoughts from a place of curiosity rather than with absolute belief and respect, we can begin to consider whether we will allow the thoughts to guide our actions or not. We start to learn that we do not have to take thoughts so seriously and we can start to remove some of the power thoughts have had over us and our actions. Thoughts don’t have to pull us around and control us.
Let’s use the weather analogy again. If we see every cloud as problematic, and we try to change it or get rid of it, we will use a lot of energy with little or no success. We may also never go outside again, fearing there will be a rainstorm. If we simply notice the clouds and continue with our day as planned, the clouds will not get in the way of our plans. For sure, we may change our clothes or take an umbrella, but we still get to live life on our terms.
It is the same with thoughts. If we notice them but continue to focus on what matters to us in life, our thoughts – even the thoughts about our body – become less problematic and less significant. They no longer have the same power and cannot change what we do. We can have a thought about wanting to be slimmer or taller, or a different shape without giving it any power and without acting on it. When we practice this, we see that thoughts become so much less significant and fearful.
So, as a human, and as someone who is fortunate to experience full recovery from an eating disorder, of course I have a myriad of thoughts about my body. Some of them are less kind than others, but I hold them all lightly and continue to live life with a gratitude for the body I have, and a defiant belief that a beautiful body does not have to conform to what humans think.
With August love
Sarah x
FAQ’s
Do I always need to think positively about my body to have a healthy body image?
No! It is unrealistic to have positive thoughts all the time. We have ever-changing thoughts and feelings about our bodies. What is more important is how you relate to those thoughts. By observing your thoughts with curiosity rather than taking them seriously, you can reduce their impact on your actions and maintain a healthier relationship with your body.
How can I stop negative thoughts about my body affecting me?
You can’t stop negative thoughts from arising, but you can learn to change how you respond to them. The more you try to get rid of negative thoughts, the more they will grab your attention, so let them be there without any judgement. Recognise your thoughts are transient and will pass and while they are there, try to focus on matters to you – how do you want to treat your body, what would be a kind, recovery-focused response to your body?
What should I do when I notice my own critical thoughts about my body?
When you notice critical thoughts, try to pause and observe the thought without giving it too much significance. Think about if the thought is helpful to you or if it aligns with what really matters to you. Remember you don’t have to act on every thought. Perhaps instead you could take your focus to what your body is able to do rather than what it can’t do or how it looks.
How can I improve my relationship with my body?
This isn’t about only thinking positively all the time. In any relationship, whether it is with your body, or with other humans, you will have a wide range of thoughts about the other – sometimes positive, sometimes not so positive. It is more about acknowledging the thoughts without judgement of yourself and without letting those thoughts dictate your self-worth or your actions. Focus on self-compassion and what your body allows you to do, whatever it looks like. With time and practice you can learn to hold your thoughts more lightly and not let them dictate your relationship with your body.
Is it possible to fully recover from an eating disorder and still have some negative thoughts about my body?
Yes, it is possible, and very usual to be fully recovered and still have some critical thoughts about your body. Recovery is personal to everyone, however it doesn’t mean you will never have negative thoughts; it means when the thoughts arise you have learned to manage them without letting them control you. The key is not allowing the thoughts to dictate your actions. As you practice letting thoughts be present without acting on them, you will naturally create more distance between the thoughts and your actions, and the thoughts will become increasingly insignificant to you.
